حَدَّثَنا عِيسَى بْنُ هِشَامِ قَالَ: لَمَّا قَفَلْتُ مِنَ الحَجِّ فِيمَنْ قَفَلَ، وَنَزَلْتُ مَعَ مَنْ نَزلَ، قُلْتُ لِغُلامي: أَجِدُ شَعْرِي طَوِيلاً، وَقَدْ اتَّسَخَ بَدَنِي قَليلاً، فَاخْتَرْ لَنَا حَمَّامَاً نَدْخُلهُ، وَحَجَّامَاً نَسْتَعْمِلهُ، وَلِيَكُنْ الحَمَّامُ وَاسِعَ الرُّقْعَةِ، نَظِيفَ البُقْعَةِ، طَيِّبَ الهَوَاءِ، مُعْتَدِلَ المَاءِ، وَلْيِكُنْ الحَجَّامُ خَفِيفَ اليَدِ، حَدِيدَ المُوسَى، نَظيفَ الثِّيابِ، قَليلَ الفُضُولِ، فَخَرَجَ مَلِيّاً وَعَادَ بَطِيّاً، وَقالَ: قَدْ اخْتَرْتُهُ كَمَا رَسَمْتَ، فَأَخَذْنَا إِلَى الحَمَّامَ السَّمْتَ، وَأَتَيْناهُ فَلَمْ نَرَ قَوّامَهُ، لَكِنِّي دَخَلْتُهُ وَدَخَلَ عَلى أَثَرِي رَجُلٌ وَعَمَدَ إِلى قِطْعَةِ طِينٍ فَلطَّخَ بِها جَبِينِي، وَوَضَعَها على رأَسِي، ثُمَّ خَرَجَ وَدَخَل آخَرُ فَجَعَلَ يَدْلِكُنِي دَلْكَاً يَكُدُّ العِظامَ، وَيَغْمِزُنِي غَمْزَاً يَهُدُّ الأَوْصالَ وَيُصَفِّرُ صَفِيراً يَرُشُ البُزَاقَ، ثُمَّ عَمَدَ إِلى رَأَسِي يَغْسِلْهُ، وَإِلَى المَاءِ يُرْسِلهُ، وَمَا لَبِثَ أَنْ دَخَلَ الأَوَّلُ فَحَيَّا أَخْدَعَ الثَّانِي بِمَضُمومَةٍ قَعْقَعَتْ أَنْيابَهُ، وَقَالَ: يَا لُكَعُ مَا لَكَ وَلِهَذا الرَّأْسِ وَهُوَ لي؟ ثُمَّ عَطَفَ الثَّاني عَلى الأَوَّلِ بِمَجْمُوعَةٍ هَتَكَتْ حِجَابَهُ، وَقالَ: بَلْ هَذَا الرَّأْسُ حَقِّي وَمِلْكِي وَفِي يَدِي، ثُمَّ تَلاكَمَا حّتَّى عَيِيَا، وَتَحَاكَمَا لِما بَقِيا، فَأَتَيا صَاحِبَ الحَمَّامِ، فَقَالَ الأَوَّلُ: أَنَا صَاحِبُ هَذا الرَّأْسِ؛ لأَنِّي لَطَّخْتُ جَبِينَهُ، وَوَضَعْتُ عَلَيْهِ طِيَنهُ، وَقَالَ الثَّاني: بَلْ أَنَا مَالِكُهُ؛ لأَني دَلَكْتُ حَامِلَهُ، وَغَمَزْتُ مَفَاصِلَهُ، فَقَالَ الحَمَّامِيُّ: ائْتُونِي بِصَاحِبِ الرَّأْسِ أَسْأَلهُ، أَلَكَ هذَا الرَّأْسُ أَمْ لَهُ، فَأَتَيَانِي وَقَالا: لَنَا عِنْدَكَ شَهَادَةٌ فَتَجَشَّمْ، فَقُمْتُ وَأَتَيْتُ، شِئْتُ أَمْ أَبَيْتُ، فَقَالَ الحَمَّامِي: يَا رَجُلُ لاَ تَقُل غَيْرَ الصِّدْقِ، وَلا تَشْهَدْ بِغَيْرِ الحَقِّ، وَقُلْ لِي: هذَا الرَّأْسُ لأيِّهِمَا، فَقُلْتُ: يَا عَافَاكَ اللهُ هذَا رأْسِي، قَدْ صَحِبَنِي فِي الطَّرِيقِ، وَطَافَ مَعِي بِالْبَيْتِ العَتِيقِ، وَمَا شَككْتُ أَنَّهُ لِي، فَقالَ لِي: اسْكُتْ يِا فُضُولِيُّ، ثُمَّ مالَ إِلى أَحَدِ الخَصْمَيَنِ فَقَالَ: يَا هَذَا إِلَى كَمْ هَذِهِ المُنافَسَةُ مَعَ النَّاسِ، بِهذَا الرَّأْسِ؟ تَسَلَّ عَنْ قَلِيلِ خَطَرِهِ، إِلى لَعْنَةِ اللهِ وَحَرِّ سَقَرِهِ، وَهَبْ أَنَّ هَذا الرَّأْسَ لَيْسَ، وَأَنَا لَمْ نَرَ هذَا التَّيْسَ.
قَالَ عِيسَى بْنُ هِشَامٍ: فَقُمْتَ مِنْ ذَلِكَ المَكَانِ خَجِلاً، وَلَبِسْتُ الثِّيابَ وَجِلاً، وَانْسَلَلْتُ مِنْ الحَمَّامِ عَجِلاً، وَسَبَبْتُ الغُلاَمَ بِالعَضِّ وَالمصِّ، وَدَقَقْتُهُ دَقَّ الجِصِّ، وَقُلْتْ لآخَرَ: اذْهَبْ فَأْتِني بِحَجَّامٍ يَحُطُّ عَنِّي هَذا الثِّقَلَ، فَجَاءَني بِرَجُلِ لَطِيفِ البِنْيَةِ، مَلِيحِ الحِلْيَةِ، في صُورَةِ الدُّمْيَةِ، فارْتَحْتُ إِلَيْهِ، وَدَخَلَ فَقَالَ: السَّلاَمُ عليْكَ، وَمِنْ أَيِّ بَلَدٍ أَنْتَ؟ فَقُلْتُ: مِنْ قُمَّ، فَقَالَ: حَيَّاكَ اللهُ! مِنْ أَرْضِ النِّعْمَةِ وَالرَّفَاهَةِ وَبَلَدِ السُّنَّةِ وَالجَمَاعَةِ، وَلَقَدْ حَضَرْتُ فِي شَهْرِ رَمضانَ جَامِعَها وَقَدْ أُشْعِلَتْ فِيهِ المَصَابِيحُ، وَأُقِيَمتِ التَّرَاويحُ، فَمَا شَعَرْنا إِلاَّ بِمَدِّ النِّيلِ، وَقَدْ أَتَى عَلَى تِلْكَ القَنَادِيلِ، لكِنْ صَنَعَ اللهُ لِي بِخُفِّ قَدْ كُنْتُ لَبِسْتُهُ رطْباً فَلَمْ يَحْصُلْ طِرَازُهُ على كُمِّهِ، وَعَادَ الصَّبيُّ إِلِى أُمِّهِ، بَعْدَ أَنْ صَلَّيْتُ العَتَمَةَ واعْتَدَلَ الظِّلُّ، وَلَكِنْ كَيفَ كَانَ حَجُّكَ؟ هَلْ قَضَيْتَ منَاَسِكَهُ كَما وَجَبَ، وَصَاحُوا العَجَبَ العَجَبَ؟ فَنَظَرْتُ إِلى المَنَارَةِ، وَمَا أَهْوَنَ الحَرْبَ عَلى النَّظَّارَةِ، وَوجَدْتُ الهَرِيسَةَ عَلى حالِهَا، وَعَلِمْتُ أَنَّ الأَمْرَ بِقَضَاءٍ ِمنَ اللهِ وَقَدرٍ، وَإِلَى مَتَى هَذَا الضَّجَرُ؟ وَاليَوْمُ وَغَدُ، وَالسَّبْتُ وَالأَحَدُ، وَلا أَطِيلُ وَمَا هَذا القَالَ وَالقِيلَ؟ وَلَكِنْ أَحْبَبْتُ أَنْ تَعْلَمَ أَنَّ المُبَرِّدَ فِي النَّحْوِ حَدِيدُ المُوسَى فَلاَ تَشْتَغِلْ بِقَوْلِ العَامَّةِ؛ فَلَوْ كَانَتْ الاسْتِطاعَةُ قَبْلَ الفِعْلِ لَكُنْتُ قَدْ حَلَقْتُ رَأَسَكَ، فَهَلْ تَرَى أَنْ نَبْتَدِئَ؟.
قَالَ عِيسَى بْنُ هِشَامٍ: فَبَقَيْتُ مُتَحَيِّراً مِنْ بَيَانِهِ، فِي هَذَيَانِهِ، وَخَشِيتُ أَنْ يَطُولَ مَجْلِسَهُ، فَقُلْتُ: إِلى غَدٍ إِنْ شَاءَ اللهُ، وَسَأَلْتُ عَنْهُ مَنْ حَضَرَ، فَقَالوا: هَذا رَجُلٌ مِنْ بِلادِ الإِسْكَنْدَرِيَّةِ لَمْ يُوَافْقُهُ هَذا المَاءُ، فَغَلَبَتْ عَلْيِهِ السَّوْدَاءُ، وَهُو طُولَ النَّهارِ يَهْذِي كَمَا تَرَى، وَوَرَاءَهُ فَضْلٌ كَثِيرٌ، فَقُلْتُ: قَدْ سَمِعْتُ بِهِ، وَعَزَّ عَلَيَّ جُنُونُهُ، وَأَنْشأْتُ أَقُولُ:
أَنَا أُعْطِي اللهَ عَـهْـداً *** مُحكَماً في النَّذْرِ عَقْدَا
لا حَلَقْتُ الرَّأْسَ مَا عِشْـ *** تُ وَلَوْ لاقَيْتُ جَـهْـدَا
Sunday, October 25, 2009
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Harnessing the law of attraction and manifestation
The law of attraction and manifestation has been around for a long time. People in personal development and self improvement can easily relate to it as some concepts of it are quite evident in various self improvement teachings.
In recent years, the law of attraction and manifestation has become a really hot subject. What was once a subject previously confined to the domain of the New Age, metaphysical and spirituality is now very much mainstream.
Most people now know what the law of attraction is all about. This is primarily due to the phenomena of The Secret - a self help film and book written and produced by Rhonda Byrne about the law of attraction.
What is the law of attraction and manifestation?
The law of attraction is simply the law of the Universe that whatever you desire for and intend to have, you will attract it to you. In short, your thoughts dictate what you experience in reality.
Find that hard to believe?
Well have you ever experienced instances of uncanny coincidences? Such as when you were thinking about an old friend and a moment later your phone ringsand it is that friend calling.
Or when you are crazing for a particular food and then your mom or wife comes home with that very dish?
That is the law of attraction at work.
You have in fact attracted those things to you through using the power of your intention and desire. I’m sure many of us have experienced such situations, it’s just that we usually brush it off and dismiss it as a mere coincidence.
How does the law of attraction work?
Though the idea of the law of attraction has been around since many centuries ago, it can be explained through quantum physics.
In quantum physics, everything in the universe is energy. Our thoughts like everything else, is made up of pure energy. As such, what we are thinking of everyday is actually energy that is constantly sent out to the Universe.
Following the spiritual law that ‘Like attracts like’ - this energy will go out and attract back to you what you sent out.
If you sent out negative thoughts and focused only the bad, you will bring negative things to you. However, if you sent out positive thoughts and only focused on what you desire, that will be what you will attract.
Is the law of attraction and manifestation really that easy?
Despite the efforts of various parties to try to make it seem as though the law of attraction is very easy and direct, that actually isn’t the case. Not to say that it is difficult or impossible, but one has to have a fuller understanding and other considerations to take note of. One of the disagreements that I have with The Secret is how it presents the law of attraction in a very one dimensional and surface level perspective.
The teachings are correct, the things said by the various gurus are true, however it is the way that it is presented that provides a much too simplistic view of things, and this may distort things and mislead people.
Indeed, though The Secret was widely accepted initially, after some time the hype of died down and people went back to living their lives just as before.
Making the law of attraction work for you
You cannot just intend to have a million dollars or wish for all the good things fall on your lap. That is the big problem people have, they treat the law of attraction like it is a lottery. Realize that these intentions are just surface level ego needs.
To make the law of attraction work, two things must to be present;
Your intention must be congruent in every part of your being – Physically, emotionally, and spiritually. You may desire for wealth at the ego level but at the spiritual level you may seek to experience growth in certain areas.
You must have unshakable and consistent belief - Never have a shred of doubt. Once you start doubting or worrying about whether you can attract something, it will never happen. Keep this belief until what you intend is manifested.
With these two handled, the law of attraction will come easily and naturally to you. Focus on these aspects as you learn more about the law of attraction. As you go through experiences harnessing the law of attraction, you will realize that it is very much a part of the spiritual journey that everyone goes through.
In recent years, the law of attraction and manifestation has become a really hot subject. What was once a subject previously confined to the domain of the New Age, metaphysical and spirituality is now very much mainstream.
Most people now know what the law of attraction is all about. This is primarily due to the phenomena of The Secret - a self help film and book written and produced by Rhonda Byrne about the law of attraction.
What is the law of attraction and manifestation?
The law of attraction is simply the law of the Universe that whatever you desire for and intend to have, you will attract it to you. In short, your thoughts dictate what you experience in reality.
Find that hard to believe?
Well have you ever experienced instances of uncanny coincidences? Such as when you were thinking about an old friend and a moment later your phone ringsand it is that friend calling.
Or when you are crazing for a particular food and then your mom or wife comes home with that very dish?
That is the law of attraction at work.
You have in fact attracted those things to you through using the power of your intention and desire. I’m sure many of us have experienced such situations, it’s just that we usually brush it off and dismiss it as a mere coincidence.
How does the law of attraction work?
Though the idea of the law of attraction has been around since many centuries ago, it can be explained through quantum physics.
In quantum physics, everything in the universe is energy. Our thoughts like everything else, is made up of pure energy. As such, what we are thinking of everyday is actually energy that is constantly sent out to the Universe.
Following the spiritual law that ‘Like attracts like’ - this energy will go out and attract back to you what you sent out.
If you sent out negative thoughts and focused only the bad, you will bring negative things to you. However, if you sent out positive thoughts and only focused on what you desire, that will be what you will attract.
Is the law of attraction and manifestation really that easy?
Despite the efforts of various parties to try to make it seem as though the law of attraction is very easy and direct, that actually isn’t the case. Not to say that it is difficult or impossible, but one has to have a fuller understanding and other considerations to take note of. One of the disagreements that I have with The Secret is how it presents the law of attraction in a very one dimensional and surface level perspective.
The teachings are correct, the things said by the various gurus are true, however it is the way that it is presented that provides a much too simplistic view of things, and this may distort things and mislead people.
Indeed, though The Secret was widely accepted initially, after some time the hype of died down and people went back to living their lives just as before.
Making the law of attraction work for you
You cannot just intend to have a million dollars or wish for all the good things fall on your lap. That is the big problem people have, they treat the law of attraction like it is a lottery. Realize that these intentions are just surface level ego needs.
To make the law of attraction work, two things must to be present;
Your intention must be congruent in every part of your being – Physically, emotionally, and spiritually. You may desire for wealth at the ego level but at the spiritual level you may seek to experience growth in certain areas.
You must have unshakable and consistent belief - Never have a shred of doubt. Once you start doubting or worrying about whether you can attract something, it will never happen. Keep this belief until what you intend is manifested.
With these two handled, the law of attraction will come easily and naturally to you. Focus on these aspects as you learn more about the law of attraction. As you go through experiences harnessing the law of attraction, you will realize that it is very much a part of the spiritual journey that everyone goes through.
The Process of Changing a Habit
Changing A Habit : Strategies For Success
Changing a habit is one of the most difficult tasks that a person can undertake. It is a really big challenge. The high failure rate is a testament to that statement. I’m sure everyone has heard of countless cases of people trying hard to change habits but failing to do so.
Many times it has nothing to do with ignorance or attitude. For people who have destructive bad habits, many know intellectually that their bad habits are destructive not only to themselves but also to the people around them. They genuinely want to change but are just unable to do so.
Changing a habit is like going up against a very tough adversary. To win the battle, lots of firepower is needed. This firepower is supplied by our determination. So first of all, we need to have determination to be able to change a habit.
Is determination enough?
As we can see from history, the largest army doesn’t always win the battle. Just because you have a lot of firepower, just because you have very high determination doesn’t mean you will definitely be able to change a bad habit.
In fact if you rely on determination alone when changing a habit, it is almost impossible for it to be successful. It will be an uphill battle all the way. It is tough because of the manner of habit formation. Habits are not just mere tendencies that we indulge in. Habits are rooted in the biology of our brain and nervous system. That’s why it is so hard to change a habit.
So win the battle what is needed is a strategy. The greatest generals who win the most battles are also the best strategists.
So let’s jump into the strategy and get to work right away. As we go through the process, you will need a journal as we’ll be doing some habit discovery work as well as brainstorming. Always only work on changing a habit one at a time. The more focus you give it, the better the chances of success.
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1. Start with having clarity
The first step to changing a habit is to have clarity. Know exactly which of your current habits you want to change. Be specific about the details of the habit that you want to get rid of. For example, I want to change my habit of feeling awkward and isolating myself during social gatherings.
Being clear on this is very important. How can you fight against the enemy if you cannot even identify it accurately? As they say, clarity is power.
When identifying your bad habit, leave all the excuses and justifications for having that habit at the front door. We’re not taking that baggage along. It is normal that we sometimes feel that a habit is necessary to us in some ways. Perhaps the habit serves a purpose. But don’t worry about that for the moment, we will be talking about that later on. Just focus on identifying the habit.
Apart from knowing what you don’t want, you must also know what you want. So if you don’t want to act/be a certain way, what do you want instead? Identifying the positive habit that you want is just as important as identifying the bad habits that you want to change.
In your journal;
Identify and write out in detailed and clear description the bad habit that you want to get rid of. Also find out what positive habit that you want it to be replaced with. Write that down in the same manner.
2. Proceed with the why
After you have identified the habits that you want to get rid of and the good habits that you want instead, provide your WHY for changing a habit.
You must have strong, clear reasons for wanting to change a habit. Your desire for changing a habit can be to gain something, to help achieve success, to improve yourself or to prevent something from happening. Your reasons should include what making this change will do and how it will specifically impact your life (and the life of those around you).
This is a very important step. When you don’t have strong reasons for changing a habit, it is very easy to lose determination and drive. You have got nothing to fall back on. Like I said, changing a habit is a tough task, you’ll definitely face difficulties and discomfort along the way. If you don’t have strong reasons for changing a habit, you’ll be more likely to give up.
What makes a professional sprinter train 8 hours a day? What makes him go through all the pain and discomfort of the training? Is he likely to train as hard if there are no Olympics or World Championships? Definitely not.
Give yourself strong reasons for changing a habit.
In your journal;
Think and come up with reasons for changing a habit. Write a paragraph or two about those reasons in your journal. How would your life be different? What will changing the habit give you? What positive things would it provide and what negative things will it remove? Take some time to come up with as many reasons as possible and make sure that those reasons are strong and compelling enough to ensure that it motivates you.
3. Identify the function of the bad habit and find a replacement for it
Just to recap, so far you have clearly identified the habit you want to get rid of, you know what you want instead, and you have strong reasons that will motivate and keep you on track during the difficult times. We’re making good progress. It’s time for the next step.
The very important thing to understand about a habit is that it actually functions to meet one of our needs. That is how it came into being in the first place. No matter how negative or destructive a habit may be, we developed that habit to use it for something.
For example take the bad habit of biting fingernails. Many people bite their fingernails when they feel nervous. To them, biting fingernails is actually an outlet to release their nervousness and anxiousness. So that is the function of the habit which made it came into being.
Now, if you kicked a habit but did not find something else to replace it’s function, your body will eventually have to go back to the old habit because that particular need isn’t being met. Take the above example, if those people do not find an alternative outlet to release their nervousness and anxiousness, they will eventually go back to the habit of biting fingernails.
So it is very important that you identify what is the original function of your habit. What did you gain on a physical, psychological and emotional level from partaking in that bad habit? Which needs did it meet? It may be to relieve pain, relieve boredom, to be an outlet for emotions or something else.
Understand that by kicking the habit, you’re gonna lose all these things. When that happens and there’s no alternative to replace it, our being will yearn to have it back on an unconscious level. It is at this time that the habit takes the chance to re-establish itself.
To discover the purpose of a particular habit, it is often necessary to look deeper into ourselves and our actions. To do this, try to identify a regular pattern which leads to you doing the habit. Look for indicators such as;
when do you normally do it
what time of the day
what is usually happens before you indulge in the habit
what are you doing at that time
what is the location
who you are with
This will help you find the original purpose which made you develop that habit in the first place.
After you have identified the need that is being met by the habit, you must find a replacement for it. This is so that we can continue to meet that need even after we have kicked the habit. Look for positive ways to fill that gap and ensure that the replacement is effective and adequate. For example, if you smoke or drink to relieve stress, look for other outlets to do that such as exercising, meditating or taking up a hobby.
An additional benefit in identifying the patterns of a habit is that it will help you become more aware of it and that helps you stop it. Let’s say you identified that you tend to binge on food during the period of your company’s month end reporting. That is the time when you are particularly stressed and pressured.
If you have identified that pattern beforehand and have that information, you can better plan to prevent it. For example, every month when it’s getting close to that period, you can take deliberate steps to prevent that bad habit from happening. Clear out your fridge before that period, plan activities that can relieve stress such as sports, going to the movies or social gatherings.
In your journal;
Find out and write down the purpose of the habit you are indulging in. What needs did that habit meet? What will you lose by changing a habit? How you intend to fill those needs when that bad habit has been kicked? What positive actions can be an effective and adequate replacement?
4. Set up the rules of the game to win
In addition to having determination and strategy, let’s further tip things in our favor by deliberately setting up the rules of the game to help us win.
What do I mean by that?
I mean make it as difficult as possible for that bad habit to emerge. Stack as many factor as possible to discourage it from happening. Make it really tough on yourself to indulge in that habit.
For example, say if you binge on food a lot, then empty your refrigerator. If you bite your fingernails, wear gloves all the time (or think of something else). If you watch TV too much, hide the remote control. If you’re shy and don’t mix around in social settings, try to get friendly and outgoing friends to go along with you.
At the end of the day, it is these little things that will eventually make a big difference. By making a habit just a little bit harder to indulge, it immediately takes away the momentum of the situation. This helps you immensely in the battle against your formed bad habits.
In your journal;
Brainstorm ways to make it hard for your habit to emerge. Be creative and think of situations that usually lead to the indulgence of the habit, then identify the things that makes it possible. Brainstorm ways that can prevent it from happening.
5. Going into the field
After doing all those steps above, you are ready to go into the field and challenge the habit. It is important that you complete all the steps above first because you will be needing those things when you go into the field to fight and attempt to change a habit.
To kick a habit, the best way is to stop cold turkey. The less you do something, the weaker the habit becomes. Using your determination alone is insufficient, but with both preparation and strategy from doing steps 1 to 4, you have a much better chance.
Whenever you feel like indulging in a habit, do the following steps. Do it as soon as you become aware of it.
Identify and be aware that you have the urge to indulge (or is already indulging) in a bad habit. What you did in step 1 and 3 will help you here.
Immediately break out of the pattern of the habit. Do something crazy, say something weird, make funny movements or think bizarre thoughts. This helps break the pattern of the habit. Our habit formation creates neurological patterns rooted in our nervous system – that is why when we have a habit, we are immediately drawn to do it more and more. However, when you do bizarre and unexpected things in the middle of a habitual action, that pattern is being altered. Much like a record being scratched by a needle which destroys the pattern of the record. By breaking the pattern, you get out of your habitual cycle and regain control.
Remember your reasons for wanting to kick a habit. If possible, take out your journal and read the reasons that you have identified in step 2. Make sure that you do this with emotion. Feel the negative emotions if you continue the habit and the positive emotions from stopping the habit. Experience how doing that will change various aspects of your life. This gives you motivation and leverage to stop yourself from indulging in the habit.
Now perform the alternative action and habit. This will be your positive replacement habit as well as the action that will meet the needs provided by the old bad habit. This step is the most important.
Do it so that every time you feel like indulging in the bad habit, you end up doing the positive habit instead.
Consistently perform these steps whenever you are about to do a habit. Each time you fail to do so will result in the bad habit reinforcing it’s position. Stick to these steps and sooner or later your old bad habit will change to a new positive one.
6. Leverage with rewards
Finally, motivate yourself further to kick a habit by dangling a carrot tied to a stick in front of you. If you’re not a big fan of carrots, dangle something else. In other words, motivate yourself through rewards.
Set up a reward structure to further boost your determination and motivation. For example if you did not indulge in the habit at all for 5 straight days, reward yourself by going for a relaxing massage. Arrange things like that.
Set milestones and give yourself little rewards when you reach them. Make sure you have these small rewards as well as big rewards for when you finally kicked the bad habit.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Final thoughts…
When changing a habit, the usual threshold is to totally abstain from that habit for at least 21 days. Some experts recommend 30 days. So the period of between 21-30 days should be the target to reach when working on changing a habit.
By following the steps and strategy listed above, changing a habit is possible. With determination and the right strategy, any habit can definitely be changed.
http://www.self-improvement-mentor.com/changing-a-habit.html
Changing a habit is one of the most difficult tasks that a person can undertake. It is a really big challenge. The high failure rate is a testament to that statement. I’m sure everyone has heard of countless cases of people trying hard to change habits but failing to do so.
Many times it has nothing to do with ignorance or attitude. For people who have destructive bad habits, many know intellectually that their bad habits are destructive not only to themselves but also to the people around them. They genuinely want to change but are just unable to do so.
Changing a habit is like going up against a very tough adversary. To win the battle, lots of firepower is needed. This firepower is supplied by our determination. So first of all, we need to have determination to be able to change a habit.
Is determination enough?
As we can see from history, the largest army doesn’t always win the battle. Just because you have a lot of firepower, just because you have very high determination doesn’t mean you will definitely be able to change a bad habit.
In fact if you rely on determination alone when changing a habit, it is almost impossible for it to be successful. It will be an uphill battle all the way. It is tough because of the manner of habit formation. Habits are not just mere tendencies that we indulge in. Habits are rooted in the biology of our brain and nervous system. That’s why it is so hard to change a habit.
So win the battle what is needed is a strategy. The greatest generals who win the most battles are also the best strategists.
So let’s jump into the strategy and get to work right away. As we go through the process, you will need a journal as we’ll be doing some habit discovery work as well as brainstorming. Always only work on changing a habit one at a time. The more focus you give it, the better the chances of success.
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1. Start with having clarity
The first step to changing a habit is to have clarity. Know exactly which of your current habits you want to change. Be specific about the details of the habit that you want to get rid of. For example, I want to change my habit of feeling awkward and isolating myself during social gatherings.
Being clear on this is very important. How can you fight against the enemy if you cannot even identify it accurately? As they say, clarity is power.
When identifying your bad habit, leave all the excuses and justifications for having that habit at the front door. We’re not taking that baggage along. It is normal that we sometimes feel that a habit is necessary to us in some ways. Perhaps the habit serves a purpose. But don’t worry about that for the moment, we will be talking about that later on. Just focus on identifying the habit.
Apart from knowing what you don’t want, you must also know what you want. So if you don’t want to act/be a certain way, what do you want instead? Identifying the positive habit that you want is just as important as identifying the bad habits that you want to change.
In your journal;
Identify and write out in detailed and clear description the bad habit that you want to get rid of. Also find out what positive habit that you want it to be replaced with. Write that down in the same manner.
2. Proceed with the why
After you have identified the habits that you want to get rid of and the good habits that you want instead, provide your WHY for changing a habit.
You must have strong, clear reasons for wanting to change a habit. Your desire for changing a habit can be to gain something, to help achieve success, to improve yourself or to prevent something from happening. Your reasons should include what making this change will do and how it will specifically impact your life (and the life of those around you).
This is a very important step. When you don’t have strong reasons for changing a habit, it is very easy to lose determination and drive. You have got nothing to fall back on. Like I said, changing a habit is a tough task, you’ll definitely face difficulties and discomfort along the way. If you don’t have strong reasons for changing a habit, you’ll be more likely to give up.
What makes a professional sprinter train 8 hours a day? What makes him go through all the pain and discomfort of the training? Is he likely to train as hard if there are no Olympics or World Championships? Definitely not.
Give yourself strong reasons for changing a habit.
In your journal;
Think and come up with reasons for changing a habit. Write a paragraph or two about those reasons in your journal. How would your life be different? What will changing the habit give you? What positive things would it provide and what negative things will it remove? Take some time to come up with as many reasons as possible and make sure that those reasons are strong and compelling enough to ensure that it motivates you.
3. Identify the function of the bad habit and find a replacement for it
Just to recap, so far you have clearly identified the habit you want to get rid of, you know what you want instead, and you have strong reasons that will motivate and keep you on track during the difficult times. We’re making good progress. It’s time for the next step.
The very important thing to understand about a habit is that it actually functions to meet one of our needs. That is how it came into being in the first place. No matter how negative or destructive a habit may be, we developed that habit to use it for something.
For example take the bad habit of biting fingernails. Many people bite their fingernails when they feel nervous. To them, biting fingernails is actually an outlet to release their nervousness and anxiousness. So that is the function of the habit which made it came into being.
Now, if you kicked a habit but did not find something else to replace it’s function, your body will eventually have to go back to the old habit because that particular need isn’t being met. Take the above example, if those people do not find an alternative outlet to release their nervousness and anxiousness, they will eventually go back to the habit of biting fingernails.
So it is very important that you identify what is the original function of your habit. What did you gain on a physical, psychological and emotional level from partaking in that bad habit? Which needs did it meet? It may be to relieve pain, relieve boredom, to be an outlet for emotions or something else.
Understand that by kicking the habit, you’re gonna lose all these things. When that happens and there’s no alternative to replace it, our being will yearn to have it back on an unconscious level. It is at this time that the habit takes the chance to re-establish itself.
To discover the purpose of a particular habit, it is often necessary to look deeper into ourselves and our actions. To do this, try to identify a regular pattern which leads to you doing the habit. Look for indicators such as;
when do you normally do it
what time of the day
what is usually happens before you indulge in the habit
what are you doing at that time
what is the location
who you are with
This will help you find the original purpose which made you develop that habit in the first place.
After you have identified the need that is being met by the habit, you must find a replacement for it. This is so that we can continue to meet that need even after we have kicked the habit. Look for positive ways to fill that gap and ensure that the replacement is effective and adequate. For example, if you smoke or drink to relieve stress, look for other outlets to do that such as exercising, meditating or taking up a hobby.
An additional benefit in identifying the patterns of a habit is that it will help you become more aware of it and that helps you stop it. Let’s say you identified that you tend to binge on food during the period of your company’s month end reporting. That is the time when you are particularly stressed and pressured.
If you have identified that pattern beforehand and have that information, you can better plan to prevent it. For example, every month when it’s getting close to that period, you can take deliberate steps to prevent that bad habit from happening. Clear out your fridge before that period, plan activities that can relieve stress such as sports, going to the movies or social gatherings.
In your journal;
Find out and write down the purpose of the habit you are indulging in. What needs did that habit meet? What will you lose by changing a habit? How you intend to fill those needs when that bad habit has been kicked? What positive actions can be an effective and adequate replacement?
4. Set up the rules of the game to win
In addition to having determination and strategy, let’s further tip things in our favor by deliberately setting up the rules of the game to help us win.
What do I mean by that?
I mean make it as difficult as possible for that bad habit to emerge. Stack as many factor as possible to discourage it from happening. Make it really tough on yourself to indulge in that habit.
For example, say if you binge on food a lot, then empty your refrigerator. If you bite your fingernails, wear gloves all the time (or think of something else). If you watch TV too much, hide the remote control. If you’re shy and don’t mix around in social settings, try to get friendly and outgoing friends to go along with you.
At the end of the day, it is these little things that will eventually make a big difference. By making a habit just a little bit harder to indulge, it immediately takes away the momentum of the situation. This helps you immensely in the battle against your formed bad habits.
In your journal;
Brainstorm ways to make it hard for your habit to emerge. Be creative and think of situations that usually lead to the indulgence of the habit, then identify the things that makes it possible. Brainstorm ways that can prevent it from happening.
5. Going into the field
After doing all those steps above, you are ready to go into the field and challenge the habit. It is important that you complete all the steps above first because you will be needing those things when you go into the field to fight and attempt to change a habit.
To kick a habit, the best way is to stop cold turkey. The less you do something, the weaker the habit becomes. Using your determination alone is insufficient, but with both preparation and strategy from doing steps 1 to 4, you have a much better chance.
Whenever you feel like indulging in a habit, do the following steps. Do it as soon as you become aware of it.
Identify and be aware that you have the urge to indulge (or is already indulging) in a bad habit. What you did in step 1 and 3 will help you here.
Immediately break out of the pattern of the habit. Do something crazy, say something weird, make funny movements or think bizarre thoughts. This helps break the pattern of the habit. Our habit formation creates neurological patterns rooted in our nervous system – that is why when we have a habit, we are immediately drawn to do it more and more. However, when you do bizarre and unexpected things in the middle of a habitual action, that pattern is being altered. Much like a record being scratched by a needle which destroys the pattern of the record. By breaking the pattern, you get out of your habitual cycle and regain control.
Remember your reasons for wanting to kick a habit. If possible, take out your journal and read the reasons that you have identified in step 2. Make sure that you do this with emotion. Feel the negative emotions if you continue the habit and the positive emotions from stopping the habit. Experience how doing that will change various aspects of your life. This gives you motivation and leverage to stop yourself from indulging in the habit.
Now perform the alternative action and habit. This will be your positive replacement habit as well as the action that will meet the needs provided by the old bad habit. This step is the most important.
Do it so that every time you feel like indulging in the bad habit, you end up doing the positive habit instead.
Consistently perform these steps whenever you are about to do a habit. Each time you fail to do so will result in the bad habit reinforcing it’s position. Stick to these steps and sooner or later your old bad habit will change to a new positive one.
6. Leverage with rewards
Finally, motivate yourself further to kick a habit by dangling a carrot tied to a stick in front of you. If you’re not a big fan of carrots, dangle something else. In other words, motivate yourself through rewards.
Set up a reward structure to further boost your determination and motivation. For example if you did not indulge in the habit at all for 5 straight days, reward yourself by going for a relaxing massage. Arrange things like that.
Set milestones and give yourself little rewards when you reach them. Make sure you have these small rewards as well as big rewards for when you finally kicked the bad habit.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Final thoughts…
When changing a habit, the usual threshold is to totally abstain from that habit for at least 21 days. Some experts recommend 30 days. So the period of between 21-30 days should be the target to reach when working on changing a habit.
By following the steps and strategy listed above, changing a habit is possible. With determination and the right strategy, any habit can definitely be changed.
http://www.self-improvement-mentor.com/changing-a-habit.html
Ideas for Gaining Self Confidence
For many, gaining self confidence is one of the most desirable things in the world. Just look at all the books, courses and resource on developing self confidence out there. That gives you an idea of how many people out there are seeking for it.
First though, you may want to gain a better understanding of what is confidence.
Having self confidence is very important to having a quality life and to live to the fullest making the most out of every moment. For athletes, having self confidence in sports is vital to performing well as well.
A low self confidence can undermine an individual in so many ways. The impact of it is pervasive and virtually affects every area of a person’s life.
There are numerous self confidence tips that can help you immediately boost confidence. Many are useful and quite effective especially when you are looking for a boost of confidence during certain moments of the day.
However, for a deeper self confidence that resides within the core of your being, a different approach is required. You develop deep self confidence by first understanding the misconception of gaining self confidence. Only then will you truly start
gaining self confidence. Then, use your experiences to gain confidence. Finally, learn to properly define your fear because when you have clarity on what you are facing, you will gain confidence in taking it on.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The misconception about gaining self confidence
I know a lot of people who are seeking to develop self confidence, and I know that most of them will fail to achieve it. Yep, that’s right. No matter how much time and effort spent on trying to ‘build’ self confidence, many will not develop the self belief that they had been seeking. It does not matter what book they read, who they learned it from, what methods they used or even what their current level of ability is.
The thing is, they will not succeed as long as they do not clear up the misconception they have about gaining self confidence. Most people who are searching ways for gaining self confidence are really doing it with the expectation that by doing all this, one day they will ‘get’ that confidence.
They think that by reading enough books, practicing enough exercises and so on, they will have that unstoppable confidence that will give them courage and drive them to take on life like never before. To them, they view confidence like it is something that they can get a hold of. Like an object that has magical powers. Once they have it, they will be transformed into a different person.
Well, usually sooner or later most of these people will start to give up because they never seem to be able to get hold of that confidence. Feeling disappointed that they are still the same person that they were before. No matter how much they try, they seemingly cannot reach that place of supreme confidence. Well it’s no wonder. It’s because it doesn’t exist! Gaining self confidence is not done through this way.
Most people think that the great successful individuals in the world are just naturally supremely confident. People like Tony Robbins, Donald Trump, Jack Canfield, Tom Cruise etc. Many think “If only I have the confidence and self belief of _______ , then I’ll can be just as successful as him/her”. People believe that these successful people are naturally confident, 100% sure of themselves and do not have any doubts.
That is not true. No matter how smart, successful, talented or capable someone is, no one is absolutely free of doubt. There is the possibility success and failure in every situation. Michael Jordan has doubts, so does Einstein, Leonardo Da Vinci, Nelson Mandela and everyone else.
So if it’s true that supreme confidence is unattainable, then how come those successful people seem so confident? How come they’re so sure of themselves? How did they become so successful if they didn’t have it? Well, they may not have that supreme confidence that many assume they have, but they do have one thing that sets them apart from everyone else.
What sets them apart is not luck, it is not having the right opportunities or having help from others. The difference is that these individuals are aware that the state of absolute confidence cannot be achieved. So unlike many others, they don’t wait until they are confident enough, they don’t wait until they are ready, until they have no doubts, until they are sure of themselves. Rather they take action in spite of the doubt. They prepare as much as they can, then take action. They don’t try to dispel all doubts & be 100% confident before making a decision or taking a course of action. And by doing so, they are gaining self confidence.
If you want to be 100% confident before you even attempt something, you can bet that you won’t be attempting many things. Preparation can only do so much for your confidence, after you have prepared as much as you can – Just Do It!
This understanding is important as it helps break the biggest barrier to gaining self confidence. By knowing that supreme self confidence does not exist, and by realizing that even the most successful people have doubts, fears, insecurities, lack of confidence – but are still able to achieve those successes, that means we already have the same belief and confidence within us that the greatest people in the world have. We just don’t know it and assume that there actually is a supreme level of confidence. Know that we will never be free
of doubt. We will never reach the point where we’re totally ready and confident. Gaining self confidence is by doing, not preparing.
On a side note, who knows…. Maybe that kind of supreme self belief and confidence does exist. I don’t think that it’s totally impossible. Perhaps the wise men & enlightened humans among us really have an unshakable confidence due to their higher understanding of life. But if you’re not at that level right now, do you really want to wait till you’re there before you start living life and taking action?
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Self confidence or lack of self confidence is gained from experience
Self confidence is gained from experience. A past success or achievement gives us confidence that we can achieve it again or do something similar. Whenever we attempt to do something, our brain automatically analyzes the probability of success. It does so by looking for signs and indications that supports success or failure. This is where we get our confidence.
Nothing gives a stronger indication than a past experience of success. With that, our proof that something can be achieved because it (or something similar) has happened before. So why shouldn’t it happen again.
Subsequently this becomes a cycle – the more success you experience, the more confident you become. This added confidence drives you to further success and so on. This is why confident people become more and more confident, and more and more successful.
But ultimately, everyone has to start somewhere. Sure Warren Buffet has a lot of past success, so does Tony Robbins, but they all started from scratch. Always remember this - every master was once a disaster. No matter how successful someone is right now, they started somewhere without any past success to give them any confidence. So this means while experience certainly plays a
big part in helping gain self confidence, it isn’t essential.
It is undeniable that gaining self confidence comes from having experience, unfortunately so do low self confidence. Have you ever noticed that young people are usually more confident than more experienced people? It is because they have never experienced failure.
Just as the experience of success can help us in gaining self confidence, past experiences of failure will pull our confidence level down. We can see this happening all the time. That is why the older someone gets, usually the more conservative they become. All the setbacks and ‘failures’ throughout the years can really bring down a person’s confidence level. So in the end, what matters it is just not having experience, but rather the quality of the experience. Or to be more specific, the interpretation of the experience. Because in the end, we can’t control what we experience, we can’t control what happens, but we can control one thing. We can control the interpretation of our experiences.
Do successful people face setbacks? Do they have tough times? Of course they do. Thomas Edison failed thousands of times before he invented the electric light. Colonel Sanders had his chicken recipe rejected 1,008 times before being accepted. But they never lost their self confidence because to them, those are not failures.
Though successful people experience setbacks, they never ever interpret those as failures. To them, those experiences taught them valuable lessons, gave them a chance to perfect their skills, improve their knowledge and ultimately brought them closer to reaching their goal. By having an interpretation such as this, every single experience they have, whether good or ‘bad’, will contribute to gaining self confidence.
So rather than let past experiences of failures drive down your confidence level, interpret all your experiences in an empowering way so you will be gaining confidence from it no matter what the experience is.
It is not that hard to do. Don’t ever think that you are lying or kidding to yourself. Remember, every situation has both sides of the coin – positive & negative. Every crisis has an opportunity, every loss has a gain. You will be able to see it if you’re willing to look hard enough. So in other words, by interpreting your experience positively, you are not denying yourself the truth, but are actually just focusing more on the positive than the negative.
Practice daily to respond to any situation in
this way. Make it a habit to immediately ask yourself ‘What can I learn from this?’ or ‘What’s so great about this situation?’ whenever you face tough times.
The ability to respond to any situation this way is a huge boost of confidence for anyone. You will intuitively know that whatever happens, you can handle it with confidence because you are able to respond positively to it. That alone is enough to make someone have the faith to take on anything in the world.
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Gaining confidence in any situation : Clarifying your fears
Often times we don’t clarify our fears and keep it very vague. This is a mistake as it gives the impression that the situation is unknown, and that decreases our confidence of being able to handle it. If you don’t know what you are facing, how can you be confident of handling it?
By identifying the details, we can clearly see what we are dealing with, and that gives us more confidence in facing it. In addition, often times doing this will make us realize that the situation is actually much better than we initially thought. It is the vagueness that made it seem more difficult than it actually is.
Step by step guide on clarifying fears.
1. Determine what is the worst possible scenario. What is the worst that could happen? How would it affect the various areas of your life? And what is the probability of the worst case scenario happening?
2. Now, if it really happened, what can or would you have to do to overcome it and be back at where you are right now? Can you do it?
3. Next, identify what is the most probable scenario. What would most likely happen? How would it affect you in various areas of your life?
4. What can or would you have to do to overcome it? What is needed? How can you overcome it? Can you do it?
Knowing what you’re up against, the probability of it happening and how you can possibly handle it helps you in gaining self confidence. For more resource on conquering your fears, visit Fear Stands In My Way. Move beyond your fear and create the life you know you desevere.
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The Best Cure for Gaining Self Confidence
So what’s the best way for gaining self confidence? Just face every situation head on. The more you do, the more experience you have. The more experience you have, the more you can call upon that experience to give you confidence. The ideas and methods above will help you with exactly that. This will create a cycle that builds more and more confidence.
Once you have achieved that, use your knowledge and skills and start teaching self confidence to others.
The conditioning of an individual's self confidence starts from childhood. So as parents, it is important to help children develop child self confidence.
So there you go. Use the ideas here to help build more self confidence everyday. Remember, true confidence comes from doing, not from preparing.
http://www.self-improvement-mentor.com/gaining-self-confidence.html
First though, you may want to gain a better understanding of what is confidence.
Having self confidence is very important to having a quality life and to live to the fullest making the most out of every moment. For athletes, having self confidence in sports is vital to performing well as well.
A low self confidence can undermine an individual in so many ways. The impact of it is pervasive and virtually affects every area of a person’s life.
There are numerous self confidence tips that can help you immediately boost confidence. Many are useful and quite effective especially when you are looking for a boost of confidence during certain moments of the day.
However, for a deeper self confidence that resides within the core of your being, a different approach is required. You develop deep self confidence by first understanding the misconception of gaining self confidence. Only then will you truly start
gaining self confidence. Then, use your experiences to gain confidence. Finally, learn to properly define your fear because when you have clarity on what you are facing, you will gain confidence in taking it on.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The misconception about gaining self confidence
I know a lot of people who are seeking to develop self confidence, and I know that most of them will fail to achieve it. Yep, that’s right. No matter how much time and effort spent on trying to ‘build’ self confidence, many will not develop the self belief that they had been seeking. It does not matter what book they read, who they learned it from, what methods they used or even what their current level of ability is.
The thing is, they will not succeed as long as they do not clear up the misconception they have about gaining self confidence. Most people who are searching ways for gaining self confidence are really doing it with the expectation that by doing all this, one day they will ‘get’ that confidence.
They think that by reading enough books, practicing enough exercises and so on, they will have that unstoppable confidence that will give them courage and drive them to take on life like never before. To them, they view confidence like it is something that they can get a hold of. Like an object that has magical powers. Once they have it, they will be transformed into a different person.
Well, usually sooner or later most of these people will start to give up because they never seem to be able to get hold of that confidence. Feeling disappointed that they are still the same person that they were before. No matter how much they try, they seemingly cannot reach that place of supreme confidence. Well it’s no wonder. It’s because it doesn’t exist! Gaining self confidence is not done through this way.
Most people think that the great successful individuals in the world are just naturally supremely confident. People like Tony Robbins, Donald Trump, Jack Canfield, Tom Cruise etc. Many think “If only I have the confidence and self belief of _______ , then I’ll can be just as successful as him/her”. People believe that these successful people are naturally confident, 100% sure of themselves and do not have any doubts.
That is not true. No matter how smart, successful, talented or capable someone is, no one is absolutely free of doubt. There is the possibility success and failure in every situation. Michael Jordan has doubts, so does Einstein, Leonardo Da Vinci, Nelson Mandela and everyone else.
So if it’s true that supreme confidence is unattainable, then how come those successful people seem so confident? How come they’re so sure of themselves? How did they become so successful if they didn’t have it? Well, they may not have that supreme confidence that many assume they have, but they do have one thing that sets them apart from everyone else.
What sets them apart is not luck, it is not having the right opportunities or having help from others. The difference is that these individuals are aware that the state of absolute confidence cannot be achieved. So unlike many others, they don’t wait until they are confident enough, they don’t wait until they are ready, until they have no doubts, until they are sure of themselves. Rather they take action in spite of the doubt. They prepare as much as they can, then take action. They don’t try to dispel all doubts & be 100% confident before making a decision or taking a course of action. And by doing so, they are gaining self confidence.
If you want to be 100% confident before you even attempt something, you can bet that you won’t be attempting many things. Preparation can only do so much for your confidence, after you have prepared as much as you can – Just Do It!
This understanding is important as it helps break the biggest barrier to gaining self confidence. By knowing that supreme self confidence does not exist, and by realizing that even the most successful people have doubts, fears, insecurities, lack of confidence – but are still able to achieve those successes, that means we already have the same belief and confidence within us that the greatest people in the world have. We just don’t know it and assume that there actually is a supreme level of confidence. Know that we will never be free
of doubt. We will never reach the point where we’re totally ready and confident. Gaining self confidence is by doing, not preparing.
On a side note, who knows…. Maybe that kind of supreme self belief and confidence does exist. I don’t think that it’s totally impossible. Perhaps the wise men & enlightened humans among us really have an unshakable confidence due to their higher understanding of life. But if you’re not at that level right now, do you really want to wait till you’re there before you start living life and taking action?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Self confidence or lack of self confidence is gained from experience
Self confidence is gained from experience. A past success or achievement gives us confidence that we can achieve it again or do something similar. Whenever we attempt to do something, our brain automatically analyzes the probability of success. It does so by looking for signs and indications that supports success or failure. This is where we get our confidence.
Nothing gives a stronger indication than a past experience of success. With that, our proof that something can be achieved because it (or something similar) has happened before. So why shouldn’t it happen again.
Subsequently this becomes a cycle – the more success you experience, the more confident you become. This added confidence drives you to further success and so on. This is why confident people become more and more confident, and more and more successful.
But ultimately, everyone has to start somewhere. Sure Warren Buffet has a lot of past success, so does Tony Robbins, but they all started from scratch. Always remember this - every master was once a disaster. No matter how successful someone is right now, they started somewhere without any past success to give them any confidence. So this means while experience certainly plays a
big part in helping gain self confidence, it isn’t essential.
It is undeniable that gaining self confidence comes from having experience, unfortunately so do low self confidence. Have you ever noticed that young people are usually more confident than more experienced people? It is because they have never experienced failure.
Just as the experience of success can help us in gaining self confidence, past experiences of failure will pull our confidence level down. We can see this happening all the time. That is why the older someone gets, usually the more conservative they become. All the setbacks and ‘failures’ throughout the years can really bring down a person’s confidence level. So in the end, what matters it is just not having experience, but rather the quality of the experience. Or to be more specific, the interpretation of the experience. Because in the end, we can’t control what we experience, we can’t control what happens, but we can control one thing. We can control the interpretation of our experiences.
Do successful people face setbacks? Do they have tough times? Of course they do. Thomas Edison failed thousands of times before he invented the electric light. Colonel Sanders had his chicken recipe rejected 1,008 times before being accepted. But they never lost their self confidence because to them, those are not failures.
Though successful people experience setbacks, they never ever interpret those as failures. To them, those experiences taught them valuable lessons, gave them a chance to perfect their skills, improve their knowledge and ultimately brought them closer to reaching their goal. By having an interpretation such as this, every single experience they have, whether good or ‘bad’, will contribute to gaining self confidence.
So rather than let past experiences of failures drive down your confidence level, interpret all your experiences in an empowering way so you will be gaining confidence from it no matter what the experience is.
It is not that hard to do. Don’t ever think that you are lying or kidding to yourself. Remember, every situation has both sides of the coin – positive & negative. Every crisis has an opportunity, every loss has a gain. You will be able to see it if you’re willing to look hard enough. So in other words, by interpreting your experience positively, you are not denying yourself the truth, but are actually just focusing more on the positive than the negative.
Practice daily to respond to any situation in
this way. Make it a habit to immediately ask yourself ‘What can I learn from this?’ or ‘What’s so great about this situation?’ whenever you face tough times.
The ability to respond to any situation this way is a huge boost of confidence for anyone. You will intuitively know that whatever happens, you can handle it with confidence because you are able to respond positively to it. That alone is enough to make someone have the faith to take on anything in the world.
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Gaining confidence in any situation : Clarifying your fears
Often times we don’t clarify our fears and keep it very vague. This is a mistake as it gives the impression that the situation is unknown, and that decreases our confidence of being able to handle it. If you don’t know what you are facing, how can you be confident of handling it?
By identifying the details, we can clearly see what we are dealing with, and that gives us more confidence in facing it. In addition, often times doing this will make us realize that the situation is actually much better than we initially thought. It is the vagueness that made it seem more difficult than it actually is.
Step by step guide on clarifying fears.
1. Determine what is the worst possible scenario. What is the worst that could happen? How would it affect the various areas of your life? And what is the probability of the worst case scenario happening?
2. Now, if it really happened, what can or would you have to do to overcome it and be back at where you are right now? Can you do it?
3. Next, identify what is the most probable scenario. What would most likely happen? How would it affect you in various areas of your life?
4. What can or would you have to do to overcome it? What is needed? How can you overcome it? Can you do it?
Knowing what you’re up against, the probability of it happening and how you can possibly handle it helps you in gaining self confidence. For more resource on conquering your fears, visit Fear Stands In My Way. Move beyond your fear and create the life you know you desevere.
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The Best Cure for Gaining Self Confidence
So what’s the best way for gaining self confidence? Just face every situation head on. The more you do, the more experience you have. The more experience you have, the more you can call upon that experience to give you confidence. The ideas and methods above will help you with exactly that. This will create a cycle that builds more and more confidence.
Once you have achieved that, use your knowledge and skills and start teaching self confidence to others.
The conditioning of an individual's self confidence starts from childhood. So as parents, it is important to help children develop child self confidence.
So there you go. Use the ideas here to help build more self confidence everyday. Remember, true confidence comes from doing, not from preparing.
http://www.self-improvement-mentor.com/gaining-self-confidence.html
Emotion and motivation plays an important role in success
Emotion and motivation go together hand in hand. Indeed, emotions play an important part in our lives, and even more so in self improvement. Often times, successful people are those who know how to take control of their emotions and use it to their benefit.
The best sportsmen and women are able to stay calm in the heat of the competition. And whenever they meet setbacks, they usually come right back immediately with a crushing performance and winning streak.
According to Napolean Hill in his book ‘Think and Grow Rich’, when emotion and desire are used together , it creates a very powerful manifesting energy. Emotion and motivation energizes your desire and gives it power and momentum. With emotion and motivation, your true power of intent will shine through.
When used wisely, your emotion and motivation can be a powerful force which helps you achieve great things. With most people living their lives being controlled by emotions, I guess it’s quite obvious that emotions are more than just ‘fleeting feelings’.
Many times the actions that we choose to take or not take are due to our emotions. We choose our actions based on what emotion we want to experience, and what emotions we want to avoid.
For example, when you were a kid, what determined whether you’d put up your hand to answer the teacher’s question? It depends on what you want more. To get the pleasure & recognition from answering the question correctly, or to avoid the embarrassment of answering wrongly?
Or you have an idea to improve your company’s performance. If your idea is accepted, you’ll get recognition & praise, however on the other hand, it might be rejected. If you can’t handle the hurt and rejection, that idea is just gonna stay in your head forever. If you want to take control of your life, you’ve got to master the skill of controlling emotions.
Are you emotionally empty?
How many emotions do you feel daily? Do you get excited? Happy? Passionate? Confident? Cheerful? Energetic? Do you get those emotional highs frequently? Do you experience a variety of emotions daily? Or do you only experience a few. Compare what you experience on a weekly basis against the full list of human emotions that we're capable of experiencing. That will give you an idea of what you’re missing.
If you realize that you only experience a limited number of emotions, and it’s intensity is quite weak, you might be a little emotionally shut off. There’s nothing wrong with that. Everyone has their own personality, and there are many people who naturally do not show much emotion.
However, having said that, more often than not people are emotionally shut off because they unconsciously learned to do so. They form habits which encourage this emotional void, and it’s from modeling the people around them, from trying to be ‘polite’ & have ‘good manners’, from having to act as a ‘serious’ adult.
I’m not advocating that we should all go back to the innocence of acting like children. But as a society, I think we can tone down on the ‘seriousness’ of our lifestyles. Be more balanced. We must always remember that we are humans not robots, and that life is too short to be serious all the time.
With people avoiding emotions because they cannot handle it, and our society seemingly encouraging us to not show much emotion, it’s little wonder that so many of us are emotionally empty. It’s tough, but you would want to avoid being in that category. I’ve said it before that emotion and motivation goes together. Your emotions give your life juice and color.
Good news….
The good news is we can learn how to handle our emotions. We can learn the ways of dealing with negative emotions. So no matter what happens, instead of focusing on the perceived negativity of these emotions, we learn to understand what its’ messages are and take the necessary action. We won’t allow the negative emotions traumatize us anymore.
It is the same for panic attacks, which are very intense emotions of fear and paranioa. With the proper appraoch and knowledge, we can learn how to stop panic attacks.
Once you have learned how to deal with negative emotions, you’ll welcome emotions rather than avoid them. You will start to experience emotions more intensely. To accelerate yourself to success, you would want to cultivate a habit of consistently experiencing a set of positive emotions.
Top success coach Tony Robbins identified 10 power emotions that we should cultivate daily in his wonderful book Awaken the Giant Within. The 10 power emotions are ;
1. Love & Warmth
. Appreciation & gratitude
3. Curiosity – then you can grow and learn through life
4. Excitement & passion
5. Determination
6. Flexibility
7. Confidence – through the power of faith
8. Cheerfulness – there is a big difference in being happy inside, and showing it outside. It enhances self esteem, makes life more fun, make others happier
9. Vitality – if you don’t take care of your body, it’s hard to take care of your emotions
10. Contribution
90% of the actions we take are the result of our habits. Often times, we need to be reminded more than we need to be taught. Knowing what emotions we should cultivate is not enough, we must make it a point to make it a part of our lives. A new lifestyle.
Start with one emotion per week. Start from the top of the list. For the next 7 days, try to experience as much love and warmth in whatever you do. Write ‘love & warmth’ in on a piece of paper & bring it everywhere you go. Associate the emotion with something that you use daily, like your watch, spectacles, hands etc so that whenever you see your watch, you’ll be reminded to experience love and warmth.
Keep in mind that you do not
need a spectacular thing to happen before you can experience love & warmth. Things that are common doesn’t mean it is not valuable. You can experience love & warmth from simple actions like talking with your partner, hanging out with friends, walking in the park, observing the laughter around you…. It’s everywhere. It’s just that we forgot to notice and appreciate it.
Final thoughts…..
Emotion and motivation brings such rich texture and color to our lives. Living a life void of emotions is like only being half alive. If you’re serious about success and happiness, you will need to show up 100%. And that means it’s time other half of you, your emotions, show up.
I’ll finish off with this, if you find it hard to cultivate good emotions because you feel you’re constantly getting distracted by work / stuff / life…… I have one advice for you : That’s not an excuse!
As achievers we make things happen, we don’t wait for breaks. You go make whatever your situation is have love, appreciation, excitement etc…. No matter how bleak, there’s always a way. The first few days will be tough, but once you start to gain momentum, you’ll snowball your way to an exciting, colorful life. This is how emotion and motivation can change your life.
Good luck!
http://www.self-improvement-mentor.com/emotion-and-motivation.html
The best sportsmen and women are able to stay calm in the heat of the competition. And whenever they meet setbacks, they usually come right back immediately with a crushing performance and winning streak.
According to Napolean Hill in his book ‘Think and Grow Rich’, when emotion and desire are used together , it creates a very powerful manifesting energy. Emotion and motivation energizes your desire and gives it power and momentum. With emotion and motivation, your true power of intent will shine through.
When used wisely, your emotion and motivation can be a powerful force which helps you achieve great things. With most people living their lives being controlled by emotions, I guess it’s quite obvious that emotions are more than just ‘fleeting feelings’.
Many times the actions that we choose to take or not take are due to our emotions. We choose our actions based on what emotion we want to experience, and what emotions we want to avoid.
For example, when you were a kid, what determined whether you’d put up your hand to answer the teacher’s question? It depends on what you want more. To get the pleasure & recognition from answering the question correctly, or to avoid the embarrassment of answering wrongly?
Or you have an idea to improve your company’s performance. If your idea is accepted, you’ll get recognition & praise, however on the other hand, it might be rejected. If you can’t handle the hurt and rejection, that idea is just gonna stay in your head forever. If you want to take control of your life, you’ve got to master the skill of controlling emotions.
Are you emotionally empty?
How many emotions do you feel daily? Do you get excited? Happy? Passionate? Confident? Cheerful? Energetic? Do you get those emotional highs frequently? Do you experience a variety of emotions daily? Or do you only experience a few. Compare what you experience on a weekly basis against the full list of human emotions that we're capable of experiencing. That will give you an idea of what you’re missing.
If you realize that you only experience a limited number of emotions, and it’s intensity is quite weak, you might be a little emotionally shut off. There’s nothing wrong with that. Everyone has their own personality, and there are many people who naturally do not show much emotion.
However, having said that, more often than not people are emotionally shut off because they unconsciously learned to do so. They form habits which encourage this emotional void, and it’s from modeling the people around them, from trying to be ‘polite’ & have ‘good manners’, from having to act as a ‘serious’ adult.
I’m not advocating that we should all go back to the innocence of acting like children. But as a society, I think we can tone down on the ‘seriousness’ of our lifestyles. Be more balanced. We must always remember that we are humans not robots, and that life is too short to be serious all the time.
With people avoiding emotions because they cannot handle it, and our society seemingly encouraging us to not show much emotion, it’s little wonder that so many of us are emotionally empty. It’s tough, but you would want to avoid being in that category. I’ve said it before that emotion and motivation goes together. Your emotions give your life juice and color.
Good news….
The good news is we can learn how to handle our emotions. We can learn the ways of dealing with negative emotions. So no matter what happens, instead of focusing on the perceived negativity of these emotions, we learn to understand what its’ messages are and take the necessary action. We won’t allow the negative emotions traumatize us anymore.
It is the same for panic attacks, which are very intense emotions of fear and paranioa. With the proper appraoch and knowledge, we can learn how to stop panic attacks.
Once you have learned how to deal with negative emotions, you’ll welcome emotions rather than avoid them. You will start to experience emotions more intensely. To accelerate yourself to success, you would want to cultivate a habit of consistently experiencing a set of positive emotions.
Top success coach Tony Robbins identified 10 power emotions that we should cultivate daily in his wonderful book Awaken the Giant Within. The 10 power emotions are ;
1. Love & Warmth
. Appreciation & gratitude
3. Curiosity – then you can grow and learn through life
4. Excitement & passion
5. Determination
6. Flexibility
7. Confidence – through the power of faith
8. Cheerfulness – there is a big difference in being happy inside, and showing it outside. It enhances self esteem, makes life more fun, make others happier
9. Vitality – if you don’t take care of your body, it’s hard to take care of your emotions
10. Contribution
90% of the actions we take are the result of our habits. Often times, we need to be reminded more than we need to be taught. Knowing what emotions we should cultivate is not enough, we must make it a point to make it a part of our lives. A new lifestyle.
Start with one emotion per week. Start from the top of the list. For the next 7 days, try to experience as much love and warmth in whatever you do. Write ‘love & warmth’ in on a piece of paper & bring it everywhere you go. Associate the emotion with something that you use daily, like your watch, spectacles, hands etc so that whenever you see your watch, you’ll be reminded to experience love and warmth.
Keep in mind that you do not
need a spectacular thing to happen before you can experience love & warmth. Things that are common doesn’t mean it is not valuable. You can experience love & warmth from simple actions like talking with your partner, hanging out with friends, walking in the park, observing the laughter around you…. It’s everywhere. It’s just that we forgot to notice and appreciate it.
Final thoughts…..
Emotion and motivation brings such rich texture and color to our lives. Living a life void of emotions is like only being half alive. If you’re serious about success and happiness, you will need to show up 100%. And that means it’s time other half of you, your emotions, show up.
I’ll finish off with this, if you find it hard to cultivate good emotions because you feel you’re constantly getting distracted by work / stuff / life…… I have one advice for you : That’s not an excuse!
As achievers we make things happen, we don’t wait for breaks. You go make whatever your situation is have love, appreciation, excitement etc…. No matter how bleak, there’s always a way. The first few days will be tough, but once you start to gain momentum, you’ll snowball your way to an exciting, colorful life. This is how emotion and motivation can change your life.
Good luck!
http://www.self-improvement-mentor.com/emotion-and-motivation.html
Effective Study Motivation Tips
Get yourself to pick that book up now!
Finding it hard to get study motivation? Have a big test coming up but just not motivated to study? Fallen back on your classes but still not able to get yourself to pick up the books?
Well you’re not the only one feeling this way. Whether you are currently a student studying in school or an adult picking up new knowledge, all of us have experienced lack of motivation to study. This is especially so when the subject you’re studying interests you as much as watching paint dry!
Fortunately, with will power, determination and some simple tips & techniques, anyone can turn their dislike into study motivation.
Studying can be fun, interesting and exciting. Never label studying as “boring”, “painful” or “uncomfortable”. That way you’ll be pre-framing yourself negatively even before you start. You’d have lost the battle before it even began. In fact, don’t even call it a battle. Studying is a meaningful journey of discovery.
Useful Study Motivation Tips
1. Be Curious – get interested in the subject you’re studying
When you’re interested in the subject you’re studying, things become so much easier. You’ll be naturally motivated to learn and read about it. So how do we become interested in what we’re studying? We adopt a curious attitude. As long as you’re curious enough, anything can be interesting.
Question it, use your imagination, get inside the subject, understand what makes it tick, find out how you can apply it in life, read real life case studies. There are many ways to make a subject interesting when you adopt a curious mindset.
2. Set a schedule and study at the right time
Set a study schedule everyday. It’s good to plan your day in advance. Set a specific time for studying, and a time for playing or relaxing. This way, you won’t worry about ‘missing’ your fun. You may be studying hard now, but you know that later on you’ll be enjoying yourself. So this keeps you focused on studying in the present.
Here’s a tip : When planning your day, it’s always good to study first. If you think you should watch some TV or relax a little first before ‘getting down to it’, you’re making a big mistake. Doing that will only make it harder for you to start studying. The first step is always the hardest.
Also when setting study schedules, schedule your studying time at the time of the day where there will be the least distractions. Also choose the time when you’re at your peak state to study. This means obviously not studying after heavy meals (where digestion will make you sleepy) and times where you’ll be tired (ie. late nights)
3. Get started – 5 minute challenge
The hardest part of doing anything is getting started. The first step is always the toughest. After you got that out of the way, it’s all downhill. This is because once you’ve got momentum; it’s easy to keep it going. So it’s vital that you get yourself going in the first place.
This study motivation tip can help you get started. This is what you can do, whenever you’re not motivated to start studying, just plan to study for 5 minutes. That’s it, just 5 minutes. Tell yourself that you’ll be studying seriously for 5 minutes then you’ll stop.
Usually, what happens is after the 5 minutes are up, you would have been well into the swing of things that you’ll want to continue studying longer. Yeah that’s right. It’s quite a cool way to ‘trick’ ourselves. The key here is to make sure that for those 5 minutes you are really studying 100%. Not dreaming or getting distracted by other stuff.
4. Stop/start at the fun part
When having to stop for breaks, meals or other activities, plan to stop when you’re at a fun part of the subject. The parts that are more interesting and enjoyable to you. This way, when you continue to study later, it’ll be much easier to get started because you’ll be starting at the fun parts.
5. Remove distractions from your surroundings
Obviously this is very important for your study motivation. When you got the TV, phone, computer, bed, magazines etc nearby, you’ll be easily tempted to throw your books aside. Try to remove as many distractions away from you as possible.
You don’t need strand yourself on an island with only your books. Just make sure that any of these distractions are not near you.
When the remote is right next to you, you’re more likely to pick it up. Same with your phone, laptop etc. But if you have to walk all the way across to another part of the house to watch TV chances are you’ll be less likely to do it.
6. Set a study area – make it as conducive as possible
The environment can play a big part in your study motivation. Imagine studying in a dimly lit, hot and stuffy room with loud music on playing in the corner. Or, in a quiet room, bright, with the right temperature and good air ventilation. Which room would make you feel more motivated to study?
If possible, have a regular study area. Make sure it’s conducive like being well lit, has ventilation, quiet and so on. Place all your notebooks, stationary, reference books in your study area. Make your study area as conducive to studying as possible.
7. Put yourself in a strong motivated state
Take 5 minutes before you start studying to put yourself into the proper state. Turn off any music, sit down, clear your mind and take deep breaths. Say a prayer or do some visualizations and light meditation. Visualize yourself happily studying and clearly understanding what you have learned.
Other methods include pumping yourself up by saying encouraging words and making a fist, and also by using NLP techniques such as anchoring and submodalities.
8. Set Goals
Setting goals will give you more motivation. When there’s a target to aim at, we’ll be more determined rise up to the challenge and push ourselves to achieve it. The sense of satisfaction from the achievement is also a good confidence booster. And it will cultivate a studying habit.
Set goals such as how many sections/chapters you plan to cover within a period of time, grades to score in tests and others.
9. Reward yourself
Finally remember to reward yourself for the job well done. If you’ve stuck to your schedule, didn’t let yourself get distracted and successfully achieved the goals you set out, you deserve a reward for that.
Reward yourself immediately. It doesn’t even need to be anything major, just simple things like enjoying an ice-cream sundae, watching your favorite TV show or calling friends up to chat. Of course, also give yourself big rewards whenever you have major achievements.
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Final thoughts…
Remember, the toughest part in studying is to get started. As long as you are determined and push yourself to pick up the book, half the battle is already won. With willpower, determination and using the study motivation tips above, getting study motivation shouldn’t be a problem anymore!
Finding it hard to get study motivation? Have a big test coming up but just not motivated to study? Fallen back on your classes but still not able to get yourself to pick up the books?
Well you’re not the only one feeling this way. Whether you are currently a student studying in school or an adult picking up new knowledge, all of us have experienced lack of motivation to study. This is especially so when the subject you’re studying interests you as much as watching paint dry!
Fortunately, with will power, determination and some simple tips & techniques, anyone can turn their dislike into study motivation.
Studying can be fun, interesting and exciting. Never label studying as “boring”, “painful” or “uncomfortable”. That way you’ll be pre-framing yourself negatively even before you start. You’d have lost the battle before it even began. In fact, don’t even call it a battle. Studying is a meaningful journey of discovery.
Useful Study Motivation Tips
1. Be Curious – get interested in the subject you’re studying
When you’re interested in the subject you’re studying, things become so much easier. You’ll be naturally motivated to learn and read about it. So how do we become interested in what we’re studying? We adopt a curious attitude. As long as you’re curious enough, anything can be interesting.
Question it, use your imagination, get inside the subject, understand what makes it tick, find out how you can apply it in life, read real life case studies. There are many ways to make a subject interesting when you adopt a curious mindset.
2. Set a schedule and study at the right time
Set a study schedule everyday. It’s good to plan your day in advance. Set a specific time for studying, and a time for playing or relaxing. This way, you won’t worry about ‘missing’ your fun. You may be studying hard now, but you know that later on you’ll be enjoying yourself. So this keeps you focused on studying in the present.
Here’s a tip : When planning your day, it’s always good to study first. If you think you should watch some TV or relax a little first before ‘getting down to it’, you’re making a big mistake. Doing that will only make it harder for you to start studying. The first step is always the hardest.
Also when setting study schedules, schedule your studying time at the time of the day where there will be the least distractions. Also choose the time when you’re at your peak state to study. This means obviously not studying after heavy meals (where digestion will make you sleepy) and times where you’ll be tired (ie. late nights)
3. Get started – 5 minute challenge
The hardest part of doing anything is getting started. The first step is always the toughest. After you got that out of the way, it’s all downhill. This is because once you’ve got momentum; it’s easy to keep it going. So it’s vital that you get yourself going in the first place.
This study motivation tip can help you get started. This is what you can do, whenever you’re not motivated to start studying, just plan to study for 5 minutes. That’s it, just 5 minutes. Tell yourself that you’ll be studying seriously for 5 minutes then you’ll stop.
Usually, what happens is after the 5 minutes are up, you would have been well into the swing of things that you’ll want to continue studying longer. Yeah that’s right. It’s quite a cool way to ‘trick’ ourselves. The key here is to make sure that for those 5 minutes you are really studying 100%. Not dreaming or getting distracted by other stuff.
4. Stop/start at the fun part
When having to stop for breaks, meals or other activities, plan to stop when you’re at a fun part of the subject. The parts that are more interesting and enjoyable to you. This way, when you continue to study later, it’ll be much easier to get started because you’ll be starting at the fun parts.
5. Remove distractions from your surroundings
Obviously this is very important for your study motivation. When you got the TV, phone, computer, bed, magazines etc nearby, you’ll be easily tempted to throw your books aside. Try to remove as many distractions away from you as possible.
You don’t need strand yourself on an island with only your books. Just make sure that any of these distractions are not near you.
When the remote is right next to you, you’re more likely to pick it up. Same with your phone, laptop etc. But if you have to walk all the way across to another part of the house to watch TV chances are you’ll be less likely to do it.
6. Set a study area – make it as conducive as possible
The environment can play a big part in your study motivation. Imagine studying in a dimly lit, hot and stuffy room with loud music on playing in the corner. Or, in a quiet room, bright, with the right temperature and good air ventilation. Which room would make you feel more motivated to study?
If possible, have a regular study area. Make sure it’s conducive like being well lit, has ventilation, quiet and so on. Place all your notebooks, stationary, reference books in your study area. Make your study area as conducive to studying as possible.
7. Put yourself in a strong motivated state
Take 5 minutes before you start studying to put yourself into the proper state. Turn off any music, sit down, clear your mind and take deep breaths. Say a prayer or do some visualizations and light meditation. Visualize yourself happily studying and clearly understanding what you have learned.
Other methods include pumping yourself up by saying encouraging words and making a fist, and also by using NLP techniques such as anchoring and submodalities.
8. Set Goals
Setting goals will give you more motivation. When there’s a target to aim at, we’ll be more determined rise up to the challenge and push ourselves to achieve it. The sense of satisfaction from the achievement is also a good confidence booster. And it will cultivate a studying habit.
Set goals such as how many sections/chapters you plan to cover within a period of time, grades to score in tests and others.
9. Reward yourself
Finally remember to reward yourself for the job well done. If you’ve stuck to your schedule, didn’t let yourself get distracted and successfully achieved the goals you set out, you deserve a reward for that.
Reward yourself immediately. It doesn’t even need to be anything major, just simple things like enjoying an ice-cream sundae, watching your favorite TV show or calling friends up to chat. Of course, also give yourself big rewards whenever you have major achievements.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Final thoughts…
Remember, the toughest part in studying is to get started. As long as you are determined and push yourself to pick up the book, half the battle is already won. With willpower, determination and using the study motivation tips above, getting study motivation shouldn’t be a problem anymore!
Study motivation
Skipping seminars to stay in bed? Here's how to avoid sleepwalking through your course, and get motivated.
Slackness explained
If you're hoping to give yourself a kick up the backside, begin by understanding why you've lost momentum in the first place. Only you can decide what's behind your work-shy attitude, but here are some of the main offenders:
Lack of focus - any long-term goals, like graduating, don't register
Lack of interest - your coursework leaves you cold
Lack of drive - you're not good at working under your own steam
Other factors can include stress, depression, the break-up of a relationship, or problems with drink or drugs. The key is to highlight what's holding you back, in order to take steps to overcome the situation.
Share the problem
There's no shame in admitting you've been slacking. In many ways, it takes courage to admit the only time you get your head down is when it hits the pillow. What's more, people will want to help. Whether it's a good friend, a course tutor or your student welfare officer, they can help you get back on track. But first, of course, you have to want to help yourself.
Prepare to change
So you've worked out what's gone wrong, and taken steps to sort any underlying issues. With nothing to hold you back, you need to look at ways of firing your enthusiasm. There are several strategies, outlined below, but first establish the willpower to make them work for you. That you've identified a problem with knuckling down is an important first step. It shows you want to make a change. The key now is to build on it.
Motivation made easy
Get the work done properly, and you can kick back with a clear conscience. Here are the only four steps you need to achieve it:
Create the space
Wherever you live, from a hall of residence to shared accommodation, establish an area for you to work. Even if you don't have a desk, restricting a small area for you to open your books will help to create boundaries between work and play.
Ditch the distraction
Consider your working environment, and cut out anything that tempts you from the task at hand, such as the telly or even music. If you just can't work in silence, go for tunes without vocals or anything so complex you feel compelled to shut your eyes and listen. Review the state of your social life too. Instead of going out late through the week, consider staying in until the weekend, when you're free to party with a clear conscience.
Establish a work schedule
Often a fear of the workload ahead is enough to tempt many into work-dodging habits. The run up to exams is a case in point, and at no other time is it more crucial for you to get a grip. The way forward is to break up the slog into more manageable sessions.
So, if you're faced with six hours worth of work, for example, why not split it into three two-hour sessions? You'll feel like you've achieved something faster, which is a buzz that'll keep you going.
Create regular breaks and rewards
There's nothing like the prospect of a treat to keep you focused, so be sure to pepper your sessions with them. Five minutes free time every hour, for example, will help to maintain that spark and drive. Use the opportunity to leave your working environment, get some fresh air, or do something that is rewarding to you.
Also think on a long-term basis, and line up something really special for getting through your exams or academic year. As for the moment that you graduate, if you can say you've worked your hardest then you'll be guaranteed to enjoy the rest and relaxation that follows.
Slackness explained
If you're hoping to give yourself a kick up the backside, begin by understanding why you've lost momentum in the first place. Only you can decide what's behind your work-shy attitude, but here are some of the main offenders:
Lack of focus - any long-term goals, like graduating, don't register
Lack of interest - your coursework leaves you cold
Lack of drive - you're not good at working under your own steam
Other factors can include stress, depression, the break-up of a relationship, or problems with drink or drugs. The key is to highlight what's holding you back, in order to take steps to overcome the situation.
Share the problem
There's no shame in admitting you've been slacking. In many ways, it takes courage to admit the only time you get your head down is when it hits the pillow. What's more, people will want to help. Whether it's a good friend, a course tutor or your student welfare officer, they can help you get back on track. But first, of course, you have to want to help yourself.
Prepare to change
So you've worked out what's gone wrong, and taken steps to sort any underlying issues. With nothing to hold you back, you need to look at ways of firing your enthusiasm. There are several strategies, outlined below, but first establish the willpower to make them work for you. That you've identified a problem with knuckling down is an important first step. It shows you want to make a change. The key now is to build on it.
Motivation made easy
Get the work done properly, and you can kick back with a clear conscience. Here are the only four steps you need to achieve it:
Create the space
Wherever you live, from a hall of residence to shared accommodation, establish an area for you to work. Even if you don't have a desk, restricting a small area for you to open your books will help to create boundaries between work and play.
Ditch the distraction
Consider your working environment, and cut out anything that tempts you from the task at hand, such as the telly or even music. If you just can't work in silence, go for tunes without vocals or anything so complex you feel compelled to shut your eyes and listen. Review the state of your social life too. Instead of going out late through the week, consider staying in until the weekend, when you're free to party with a clear conscience.
Establish a work schedule
Often a fear of the workload ahead is enough to tempt many into work-dodging habits. The run up to exams is a case in point, and at no other time is it more crucial for you to get a grip. The way forward is to break up the slog into more manageable sessions.
So, if you're faced with six hours worth of work, for example, why not split it into three two-hour sessions? You'll feel like you've achieved something faster, which is a buzz that'll keep you going.
Create regular breaks and rewards
There's nothing like the prospect of a treat to keep you focused, so be sure to pepper your sessions with them. Five minutes free time every hour, for example, will help to maintain that spark and drive. Use the opportunity to leave your working environment, get some fresh air, or do something that is rewarding to you.
Also think on a long-term basis, and line up something really special for getting through your exams or academic year. As for the moment that you graduate, if you can say you've worked your hardest then you'll be guaranteed to enjoy the rest and relaxation that follows.
Saturday, October 10, 2009
Rudyard Kipling " If " and only If
If
If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;
If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with wornout tools;
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on";
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man my son!
If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;
If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with wornout tools;
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on";
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man my son!
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