For many, gaining self confidence is one of the most desirable things in the world. Just look at all the books, courses and resource on developing self confidence out there. That gives you an idea of how many people out there are seeking for it.
First though, you may want to gain a better understanding of what is confidence.
Having self confidence is very important to having a quality life and to live to the fullest making the most out of every moment. For athletes, having self confidence in sports is vital to performing well as well.
A low self confidence can undermine an individual in so many ways. The impact of it is pervasive and virtually affects every area of a person’s life.
There are numerous self confidence tips that can help you immediately boost confidence. Many are useful and quite effective especially when you are looking for a boost of confidence during certain moments of the day.
However, for a deeper self confidence that resides within the core of your being, a different approach is required. You develop deep self confidence by first understanding the misconception of gaining self confidence. Only then will you truly start
gaining self confidence. Then, use your experiences to gain confidence. Finally, learn to properly define your fear because when you have clarity on what you are facing, you will gain confidence in taking it on.
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The misconception about gaining self confidence
I know a lot of people who are seeking to develop self confidence, and I know that most of them will fail to achieve it. Yep, that’s right. No matter how much time and effort spent on trying to ‘build’ self confidence, many will not develop the self belief that they had been seeking. It does not matter what book they read, who they learned it from, what methods they used or even what their current level of ability is.
The thing is, they will not succeed as long as they do not clear up the misconception they have about gaining self confidence. Most people who are searching ways for gaining self confidence are really doing it with the expectation that by doing all this, one day they will ‘get’ that confidence.
They think that by reading enough books, practicing enough exercises and so on, they will have that unstoppable confidence that will give them courage and drive them to take on life like never before. To them, they view confidence like it is something that they can get a hold of. Like an object that has magical powers. Once they have it, they will be transformed into a different person.
Well, usually sooner or later most of these people will start to give up because they never seem to be able to get hold of that confidence. Feeling disappointed that they are still the same person that they were before. No matter how much they try, they seemingly cannot reach that place of supreme confidence. Well it’s no wonder. It’s because it doesn’t exist! Gaining self confidence is not done through this way.
Most people think that the great successful individuals in the world are just naturally supremely confident. People like Tony Robbins, Donald Trump, Jack Canfield, Tom Cruise etc. Many think “If only I have the confidence and self belief of _______ , then I’ll can be just as successful as him/her”. People believe that these successful people are naturally confident, 100% sure of themselves and do not have any doubts.
That is not true. No matter how smart, successful, talented or capable someone is, no one is absolutely free of doubt. There is the possibility success and failure in every situation. Michael Jordan has doubts, so does Einstein, Leonardo Da Vinci, Nelson Mandela and everyone else.
So if it’s true that supreme confidence is unattainable, then how come those successful people seem so confident? How come they’re so sure of themselves? How did they become so successful if they didn’t have it? Well, they may not have that supreme confidence that many assume they have, but they do have one thing that sets them apart from everyone else.
What sets them apart is not luck, it is not having the right opportunities or having help from others. The difference is that these individuals are aware that the state of absolute confidence cannot be achieved. So unlike many others, they don’t wait until they are confident enough, they don’t wait until they are ready, until they have no doubts, until they are sure of themselves. Rather they take action in spite of the doubt. They prepare as much as they can, then take action. They don’t try to dispel all doubts & be 100% confident before making a decision or taking a course of action. And by doing so, they are gaining self confidence.
If you want to be 100% confident before you even attempt something, you can bet that you won’t be attempting many things. Preparation can only do so much for your confidence, after you have prepared as much as you can – Just Do It!
This understanding is important as it helps break the biggest barrier to gaining self confidence. By knowing that supreme self confidence does not exist, and by realizing that even the most successful people have doubts, fears, insecurities, lack of confidence – but are still able to achieve those successes, that means we already have the same belief and confidence within us that the greatest people in the world have. We just don’t know it and assume that there actually is a supreme level of confidence. Know that we will never be free
of doubt. We will never reach the point where we’re totally ready and confident. Gaining self confidence is by doing, not preparing.
On a side note, who knows…. Maybe that kind of supreme self belief and confidence does exist. I don’t think that it’s totally impossible. Perhaps the wise men & enlightened humans among us really have an unshakable confidence due to their higher understanding of life. But if you’re not at that level right now, do you really want to wait till you’re there before you start living life and taking action?
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Self confidence or lack of self confidence is gained from experience
Self confidence is gained from experience. A past success or achievement gives us confidence that we can achieve it again or do something similar. Whenever we attempt to do something, our brain automatically analyzes the probability of success. It does so by looking for signs and indications that supports success or failure. This is where we get our confidence.
Nothing gives a stronger indication than a past experience of success. With that, our proof that something can be achieved because it (or something similar) has happened before. So why shouldn’t it happen again.
Subsequently this becomes a cycle – the more success you experience, the more confident you become. This added confidence drives you to further success and so on. This is why confident people become more and more confident, and more and more successful.
But ultimately, everyone has to start somewhere. Sure Warren Buffet has a lot of past success, so does Tony Robbins, but they all started from scratch. Always remember this - every master was once a disaster. No matter how successful someone is right now, they started somewhere without any past success to give them any confidence. So this means while experience certainly plays a
big part in helping gain self confidence, it isn’t essential.
It is undeniable that gaining self confidence comes from having experience, unfortunately so do low self confidence. Have you ever noticed that young people are usually more confident than more experienced people? It is because they have never experienced failure.
Just as the experience of success can help us in gaining self confidence, past experiences of failure will pull our confidence level down. We can see this happening all the time. That is why the older someone gets, usually the more conservative they become. All the setbacks and ‘failures’ throughout the years can really bring down a person’s confidence level. So in the end, what matters it is just not having experience, but rather the quality of the experience. Or to be more specific, the interpretation of the experience. Because in the end, we can’t control what we experience, we can’t control what happens, but we can control one thing. We can control the interpretation of our experiences.
Do successful people face setbacks? Do they have tough times? Of course they do. Thomas Edison failed thousands of times before he invented the electric light. Colonel Sanders had his chicken recipe rejected 1,008 times before being accepted. But they never lost their self confidence because to them, those are not failures.
Though successful people experience setbacks, they never ever interpret those as failures. To them, those experiences taught them valuable lessons, gave them a chance to perfect their skills, improve their knowledge and ultimately brought them closer to reaching their goal. By having an interpretation such as this, every single experience they have, whether good or ‘bad’, will contribute to gaining self confidence.
So rather than let past experiences of failures drive down your confidence level, interpret all your experiences in an empowering way so you will be gaining confidence from it no matter what the experience is.
It is not that hard to do. Don’t ever think that you are lying or kidding to yourself. Remember, every situation has both sides of the coin – positive & negative. Every crisis has an opportunity, every loss has a gain. You will be able to see it if you’re willing to look hard enough. So in other words, by interpreting your experience positively, you are not denying yourself the truth, but are actually just focusing more on the positive than the negative.
Practice daily to respond to any situation in
this way. Make it a habit to immediately ask yourself ‘What can I learn from this?’ or ‘What’s so great about this situation?’ whenever you face tough times.
The ability to respond to any situation this way is a huge boost of confidence for anyone. You will intuitively know that whatever happens, you can handle it with confidence because you are able to respond positively to it. That alone is enough to make someone have the faith to take on anything in the world.
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Gaining confidence in any situation : Clarifying your fears
Often times we don’t clarify our fears and keep it very vague. This is a mistake as it gives the impression that the situation is unknown, and that decreases our confidence of being able to handle it. If you don’t know what you are facing, how can you be confident of handling it?
By identifying the details, we can clearly see what we are dealing with, and that gives us more confidence in facing it. In addition, often times doing this will make us realize that the situation is actually much better than we initially thought. It is the vagueness that made it seem more difficult than it actually is.
Step by step guide on clarifying fears.
1. Determine what is the worst possible scenario. What is the worst that could happen? How would it affect the various areas of your life? And what is the probability of the worst case scenario happening?
2. Now, if it really happened, what can or would you have to do to overcome it and be back at where you are right now? Can you do it?
3. Next, identify what is the most probable scenario. What would most likely happen? How would it affect you in various areas of your life?
4. What can or would you have to do to overcome it? What is needed? How can you overcome it? Can you do it?
Knowing what you’re up against, the probability of it happening and how you can possibly handle it helps you in gaining self confidence. For more resource on conquering your fears, visit Fear Stands In My Way. Move beyond your fear and create the life you know you desevere.
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The Best Cure for Gaining Self Confidence
So what’s the best way for gaining self confidence? Just face every situation head on. The more you do, the more experience you have. The more experience you have, the more you can call upon that experience to give you confidence. The ideas and methods above will help you with exactly that. This will create a cycle that builds more and more confidence.
Once you have achieved that, use your knowledge and skills and start teaching self confidence to others.
The conditioning of an individual's self confidence starts from childhood. So as parents, it is important to help children develop child self confidence.
So there you go. Use the ideas here to help build more self confidence everyday. Remember, true confidence comes from doing, not from preparing.
http://www.self-improvement-mentor.com/gaining-self-confidence.html
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